Peace...that was what I clung to yesterday when I got the awesome chance to visit with our littlest angel, Eli Judah Miles.
It didn't come the way I thought it might...the peace. It came straight from little Eli, as we nervously peered in to see how things were going, he held up two fingers! It was as if he had privy to what could only be heard on the inside of all of us peeking in; our grieving and the intensity of our wills beating ferociously for things to look different. Praying we'd see the miracle healing, or hear the sound of wide open gasps as the doctor says, "whoops we've made a big mistake, he's fine, he's just fine."
That's not what we heard at all. The prognosis is still the same, we won't be holding little Eli long at all. This time we have with him now is so precious. To have opportunity to visit with him almost weekly is such a special gift, especially for sweet Laura and Joe. "He has your chin and nose Joe... and your mouth," Laura and Joe spoke to each other as they shared a little angel time together.
We all listened and watched intently as the doctor went limb by limb, part by part explaining everything that makes up our reality. What an incredible doctor, Dr. Celeste Shepphard. Her warmth and sincerity, as well as, the length of time she spent with us during an incredibly busy schedule, brought us great comfort.
It's as if somehow little Eli knows...he gave the peace sign, waved and smiled. His little mouth opened too; maybe he was saying it's all okay Mom and Dad. I'm gonna be just fine. Or maybe, he was saying thank you to his Mommy and Daddy for carrying him, even though to us, he seems broken. We're all broken sweet Eli. Some you see and some you don't. We think you're perfect. You are so beautiful to all of us...beautifully broken.
I saw a friends newborn baby soon after I saw our little Eli yesterday. How can this be? She's perfect and beautiful and her mommy has her tucked safely in her arms. It's hard holding back from the temptation to ask God why. Why?
Maybe the w.h.y. exists because it stands for Will Humans Yield? Will we give over all authority to our Lord in the face of a hard decision? Will be submit to His power and will to do whatever He wants? Do we really mean, whatever Lord, when we say it? Whatever, what a powerful word. Will we yield? Even when we think it unfair? Will we yield even when it hurts more than we can bare?
Our Laura and Joe gloriously yield. Yes, they said yes, they will do it! Whatever may come...they call You, Lord. We will yield to what you are asking us to do and we will carry, Your child, our child, Eli Judah Miles, as long as You will it. Yes, pick me, Laura says, every single day. "I hope I get to carry him as long as possible."
Mimi will carry you too little Eli. We all will, so many more are carrying you too. We carry you in our hearts and minds and in our prayers to our Lord and King!
As Laura carries sweet little Eli, Jesus also carries us...broken humanity. All of us, beautifully broken and placed in the Body of Jesus Christ to be made whole.
One day soon little Eli will get his miracle. He will be healed. He will be whole. He will walk upright and straight into the arms of His Father. Until then, we will all carry you little Eli, as well as, your mommy and daddy.